I am at some sort of global amusement park. There is a room with a game in it. I don't like video games and I tell them this and they say, everyone must try this game. It is like a virtual video game in a very white room and the screen lights up. It is difficult to tell the screen from my mind, but if you distance yourself a bit, you remember. Suddenly the screen flashes with goals, different factors to look for. At first the game is novel, "find the kitten on the touch screen". But quickly it evolves, adapting to more emotionally charged settings. Each won game is rewarded with a mardi gras style necklace. Then the screen changes and I am floating on clouds with a sage in white robes, he smiles and asks "what is all this", I smile in return and say "God of course, all is God". Next, the screen becomes violent and the game attempts to alter me so that I am more involved. It grows a beard on my face and dictates that in order to remove the beard I have to complete the next game. A gun appears instead of the touch screen and there are lots of people on the screen in different settings. At first I am supposed to shoot ducks then target people. I don't do this, but rather I begin swinging the gun and in so doing I short the game, so that static begins to separate the images. Next, a man steps out of the image and takes the gun from me. He says, "The game is over for you now and you will play again later". I am angry that I had to play the game at all. I tell him it is an awful game, manipulative and violent and I don't want to play. I begin to leave but walk back to collect all my necklaces. There are hundreds. Many red and yellow ones and one long white necklace that trails the floor. I leave the studio with a strong feeling that I am escaping. I take back routes. I find my brother Dave who was getting ready to play the game. I tell him not to, it is a trick and somehow I feel that he would have a difficult time pulling himself out of it.

Next I am walking past a beggar, who eyes my necklaces. I give them all to him, except the white one. As I walk away he says "You must have met Spirit, those necklaces are the most valuable. Only a few ever get them, they haven't figured out how to remove that part from the game". I walk into a room with lots of people. I sit down across from a young woman. She is eager to hear about the game. I tell her that the game doesn't matter. I look in her eyes and she appears to be watching a video game or in deep REM sleep with her eyes open. I take her face in my hand and ask her to look at me. She tries. I say, calmly, "GOD IS. GOD IS. GOD IS. All else is an illusion".

A spirit walker comes to me and I wake up.

I(or a woman like me but shorter and with straight black hair) have sculpted several large pieces of standing art out of wire. One of them is a bird woman standing 10 ft. tall. Her body armature is a stylized metal skeleton with fleshier bones on the legs and arms but very visible sacrum and vertebral column. The head is very well done. I cant tell if the head is sculpted from metal or another substance- perhaps it is bronze work. The figure is standing erect with arms outstretched in a T. The face is a bit severe, no false levity there, but very strong and wise seeming. There is an open wire hooded cloak draped over the torso and arms. On this there are thin, white, paper and newspaper, feathers, again these are very stylized and are much larger and shorter, a bit like leaves. There are just enough feathers to imply "bird" but not so many that it appears over done.
The effect is breathtaking.

The other sculpture is around 8ft. tall and is a cloaked figure of the wanderer/traveler. This figure is almost completely concealed beneath a wire cloak. The figures arm is outstretched holding a light or lantern extended in front. The face looks a bit frightened and weary, but strong and seasoned too. There are leaves covering the cloak and again these leaves are cut out of white paper and are too large to appear realistic but the effect is beautiful.

Some member of the dream begins poking fun of the wanderer, saying that for a self portrait, it doesn't look very similar to the artist. I feel at first insulted, then I realize that I would rather it if they were not self portraits, than they would be more readily identified with by the viewers.

It was an inspirational "feeling" dream.

TWO
I am at Aunt Bertie's house. It looks nothing like her house. It is a single level ranch house with a light colored exterior. The inside is light and airy with wooden floors, minimal furnishings, neutral paint and a feeling of expansive simplicity. Bertie sits in a single comfy looking white chair in the main room. The exterior is an eden, with orchards, flower gardens, and vegetables everywhere. There are tomato trees (yea trees) huge eggplants growing among flowers, gourds, squash and fruit everywhere. The produce has been somewhat effected by the cold weather and some of the veggies and fruit are ruined, but surprisingly most of it seems to have weathered the seasonal shift. I am surprised by this and assume that it must be warmer here. There are forests on the larger periphery and an overall feeling of natural beauty and paradise within the untamed surroundings. I feel at ease here. There are no concerns and everything is provided for. I feel peace.

THREE
There is a compound, like a jail. Elephants and bats keep getting trapped within the gates. When the elephants are trapped they throw themselves onto the chain-link fence like the bats and each time they do this they look like enormous bats and the fence is splattered with blood. People keep setting them free but each time they re-lock the gates they lock in the bats and elephants once more. I am observing all of this from outside the gate.

FOUR
Owen has to go to jail. There are lots of others in jail. It doesn't look very horrible, like a cabin-jail and Shane is the jailer.

Dream Snippets
An old woman walks naked through a house and into a bedroom. Her large breasts sag to her waist. An old man is in bed. He laughs and says, "I'll just need two long boys to take care of this". Although there is sexual innuendo the transaction seems utterly benign.

I have two sisters. I am sitting in the dirt, flanked by them and feeling the surprise and love of recently remembering that I have two sisters similar in age to me. A family procession sweeps by (is it a wedding). They are all men. I feel buoyed by my sisters' love.

Julia Roberts is dancing, at the start of her career. She looks plain as she dances, with obvious discomfort and awkwardness. Then I see her off stage and she is playing with the music, dancing, having fun and her famous smile spreads wide across her face.

Wake.
I usually judge these non-eventful dreams, taking them to be barometers of my mind, my psyche and even my soul. Often chiding myself for a preoccupation with the mundane. I wondered, as I awoke, if my constant judgment of what is spiritual and luminous, in contrast to what is common and repetitive, isn't a large contributor to the anxiety I feel when facing life. Perhaps I give everything I experience all the meaning it has for me. Perhaps I can develop neutrality in seeing, by taking the first step toward embracing the range of my dreaming. Perhaps the sky is grey, perhaps a lone balloon floats in its breadth, perhaps I am neither, perhaps I am all, perhaps I am none of it. Perhaps.

I am showing a man around my house (maybe it's my brother). My house is spacious and lovely. We stop in front of a large, beautiful cut stone fireplace and the man (my brother?) leans in closely to see several hand drawn cards displayed on the mantelpiece. The cards are "I'm sorry" cards, that Shane and I have drawn. There is a little tear drop character pictured in a variety of ways, all with the intent of apology. As I look at the drawings, I am surprised to notice that Shane's are artistically better than mine. His are simple, emotional and clear. Mine seem a bit over done. The man(my brother) picks up one card and the image falls off to reveal a photo of myself and Shane or my ex...I can't really tell, the image seems to fluctuate in my memory... the photo slides off revealing a two sided postcard sized object. On one side there are lots of expensive, coordinating fabric and texture samples for redecorating in hues of brown, on the other side there is a collage of various styles, thicknesses and colors of glass, all of them in shades of sea glass. For some reason I feel very embarassed. The man (my brother) looks at me and points at the side with all the fabric, (the same side the photo and "I'm sorry" card were attached to) and says, "You don't need to focus on this...", he turns it over to the glass side saying, "when this side opens onto all the world".

I wake up.

I sit for a time thinking about this dream. I often approach my internal life with a re-decorator mentality, trying to change the furniture, air out the rooms, clean out the closet's, meditate to quiet the noise, connecting with God to bring in more light, etc. In the hope that in doing so- I will grow, release and open. I seldom drop the broom and fabric swatches in order to blur the edges of self and world. The glass sampler seemed to encourage altering the walls of self---from solid walls promising isolation to beautiful glass opening onto life all around.
Also, I try to forgive within my heart, dropping the blame and allowing God to breathe through me, but I suppose I do keep a mantel of "I'm sorry" card's tracking the reason's I have had cause to forgive- protecting each one within the defined boundaries of self. Perhaps in blurring those walls I do gain the world.

rainbow

I had an interesting dream last night:
I was a rainbow keeper and I was helping a few people escape the reach of the "beautiful people". When we finally rose over a high grassy knoll scraping the sky we descended into a clean, airy and bright cave. It felt like an adult Waldorf environment with beautiful wooden tables and a few white silk scarves...very natural and utterly devoid of clutter. There were several people already there seated at the table. The mouth of the cave opened to an Eden-like setting. Someone asked me what it meant to be a rainbow keeper. I held up my hand and you could see it become somewhat transparent. Then I stood opposite the person who asked. I closed my eyes and opened my heart...open and open and open until a huge flow of chakra/rainbow light flooded out like a rainbow, spreading and connecting. The body become more transparent and then my body fell backwards and into the earth. The earth reached up and my frame dissolved...I felt it dissolving, even gurgling as the oxygen escaped from my throat. I knew Angelina had died.
I woke up.

Who is the Self who perceives the illusion?
First Dream
Our home is Aunt Bertie's house but the upper story is collapsing, the foundation is made of rotting wood and it is in danger of falling in at any time. It is most likely to collapse where my old room used to be.
Second Dream
Angelina (Jolie) has a stalker, who is a malevolent energy housed in a human form. I have to cast it out through fire and call on the Christ to keep it out. Only the small children know what's real. I still feel fear.
Third Dream
I am faced with a horrible scenario, in which an alien race has taken over human beings. They seem to take them over harmlessly but totally alter their mental makeup to one of fear and ugliness. This is evident in their faces which are no longer open and inquisitive. I some how link up with a group of people who know how to escape the hole dilemma. Miguel is driving a van. I try to call Shane but realize my cell phone can be tracked and I throw it out the back. Bodhi is in the child seat and he is immediately spotted due to his smiling open face. We roll up the window. We arrive at a garage and I climb out to help them in. Miguel can't pull in the door easily. The hesitation affords the aliens time to find the van. The doors are closed. When they finally open them, they tell me that Owen is okay but Shane and Bodhi have gone with them. Miguel has decided to go with them as a show of pride. They will give me three days to see Bodhi, and then I will have to live my life as a muerito (a little dead person). There is a tunnel that leads into an ancient way of life, like the Aztecs or Mayans. I am unwilling to relinquish my son. I go through this tally of Masters asking who will help me... the Buddha will 30x, Jesus will 30x, Joel Goldstein will and on an on. There are several teachers who are not on my wavelength. Their energy mounts in an offering bowl and then resides in my heart. I wake up. I am thinking over and over and over, "WHO IS THE SELF WHO PERCEIVES THIS ILLUSION,WHO IS THE SELF WHO PERCEIVES THIS ILLUSION,WHO IS THE SELF WHO PERCEIVES THIS ILLUSION".

I am driving in my jeep and I realize that I am dreaming. I think to myself, "Well lets just see what happens". I start driving through villages, over buildings, everywhere. I find myself in a large room beneath the sea, Chopra is there and he says he wants to show my something. The sea room is beautiful. The ceiling has orbs of luminescent plankton surrounding kelp, which creates a light-balloon effect. Chopra takes me to a wall of coral and there are lots of little plankton fairies dragging away treasures. One plankton hops up and sticks its tiny head in my ear. It begins speaking in a high melodious talk, but I don't remember what she says. I decide to swim and begin arcing through the water with a feeling of pure freedom, then I break thru the waves and am soaring through the sky, dipping in and out of clouds...FLYING.

Strange dark dreams. There were shadow-ish people living in the dark places of my house, they were human, but malevolent and all of them were men...my first boyfriend was part wolf with a power talisman, a living snake that passed malevolent messages to him through writing on his skin. I chopped the snake into little pieces. It became rigid like a pencil. I put the knife to his neck but couldn't kill him, so I asked him to just let it go and be kind. Nope, it wasn't gonna happen. Next I was battling a whole group of men in the branches of a tree outside my window, most resembled men I had loved, admired or idealized. I was overpowered and escaped inside, closing the window barely in time. I yelled for help, but Shane was busy watching the game and my sons were too young. I gathered my courage and then I realized somehow I had lost and was going to have to do what they told me. I was going to have to work where they said and be who they told me to. Suddenly, I felt like just an object measured by my youthfulness, beatuy and attractiveness. Everything felt grey and smaller.
I awoke feeling anxious.

Dream snippets:
I am washing my hair in Wind's sink. My hair is dread-locked and the water is so salty. I keep getting it in my mouth and I feel like I am going to be sick, my whole tongue is swelling up. Finally, someone agrees that the water is salty, this somehow validates my opinion and I leave the sink.

Next, I have a baby and a doll. I play with the doll as much as the baby and the baby and I love the doll. We are on the earth outdoors playing with the doll when a woman walks by with her dog. The dog tries to suckle at the baby.

Next, I am nursing again. Bodhi is nursing and I have a lot of milk. I feel a sort of unmatched fulfillment.

Next, I am at a beach and laying on the sand. The beach is crowded and this family nearby is pouring artificial, styrofoam snow on the sand in a large square to immulate a bed, for the kids to sleep on. I feel horrified at the evident disregard for nature.

polarity

My body is sitting on a grassy yard staring ahead at a stormy sky above the tree line. I am watching just beyond my body. There is a road on either side of me. On my left there is a vehicle and some one like Dave opens the door and shadows, sorrows and a sort of hopelessness pours out. There is a sense that I am looking at the stark underbelly of this life, the wars and killings, the lies and greed, the selfishness and fear, the destruction. The shadow pours out and the field fills with hopelessnes in spite of the drivers assurances that we need a revolution, that we need to LOOK at these things and SEE them in order to change them. My body remains sitting there, eyes on the approaching storm. Then Aunt Bertie appears on my right, she quietly smiles and says, "I choose to focus on something else", the door of a white mini van slides open and light pours out, beautiful brilliant connecting light and HOPE fills the space between the darkness until all is connected and infinate and the approaching storm and the shadowy underbelly seem senseless amidst the glory and unity of unfolding truth.

Dream.
There is a sister staying at our house for a while. She is heavy with child. I cross a wide room toward her, embracing her and telling her that I am so grateful that she has chosen to be with us and share this beautiful time with us. I feel the baby moving in her body,then I feel it low in her back. I say honey you are close. Then I hear a soft baby cry, which doesn't make any sense. I bend down and I can see the babies face through the outstretched skin of her right rear hip. I know that it isn't the right position for the baby whose mouth is opening and closing, but still seems fine.
I wake up, concerned and sad.

Dream snippets
Chris Kilgour ( love and comfort and anticipated discomfort) ... old ford trucks loaded with simple camping gear headed for the mountains... dancing with runners...young love and choices ( here I was young and in love, it was sweet and innocent without the least hint of sexuality. Next this young George Clooney sweeps me off my feet and takes me on long motorcycle rides complete with lovemaking beneath the moon, in the end I return to my young love and say to "George" you want to love with the angst and intensity of an adult, I want to enjoy the sweet innocence of my youth.)...the women at my work are gathered and judging the details of one another. Belle is upset. I stand and say, "Hey, Lets all drop the sharp edges and caustic wires of our judging and just enjoy eachother!", No one appears to listen.
I don't remember much beyond these snippets.

I am with a lot of friends, family and acquaintances in a large house (Aunt Bertie is there too), there is access to underground tunnels here too. I remember this from another dream and everyone else seems to remember also, that there are horrible creatures that live in the underground who occasionally come up to the surface. I remember the military battling them, with tanks and warfare and the creatures were hardly phased by all their violence. There seems to be a consensus that these creatures are aliens of some kind that feed on human flesh. Everyone is utterly horrified by this. I suggest that a heavy consciousness like thiers is not so dissimilar from our own, which blindly kills and murders dolphins. I explain that dolphins are just as conscious and intelligent as we are, more, because they consistently respond with joy and playfulness, regardless of our tendency to kill them. We respond with fear. Then one of the creatures emerges from the underworld, he is very large and reptilian, standing on two strong birdlike legs, with a powerful upperbody, long arms and strong talons. His head is long and powerful in the front and back with immense jaws. He comes directly toward me and wraps his hands around my neck. Everyone jumps back. I just begin to recite the "I AM" blessing that Bertie taught me and calling for Archangel Micheal. My heart is full of love. I decide that it is better to die in love than in fear. The creature disappears. Everyone is shocked. My boss says, "I can't believe you did that". This kind gentleman comes and takes me into a very comfortable closet with a window and a little nook. He tells me to remain here. I say "Why?". He tells me that the creatures are coming in droves, they are attracted by electricity, by population (I know they are attracted by fear). He says, "You are too special to die out there". I say, "Won't they eventually find me in here?". He says, "Yes, but you will be safe until then".
I ask him to be kind and just kill me now, perhaps with a poison. He shakes his head, No and leaves.
Fear creeps in.
The room begins to fill with the things I care about.
Bodhi, Owen, Shane and Maia. Then others show up. All are oozing fear. I decide we have to run away and live in exile. Fear is overcoming me now. I grab a few things, too afraid to leave the closet to even get a jacket or food or diapers for Bodhi. I decide that we will head for the hills (which are crowded with the wasteful garbage of mankind) and hopefully beyond.
I rise to the surface of sleep--- very, very, fearful---shallow breathing, rapid heart rate. I say, "this will not do". I go back down. This time I ask Shane to care for those I love and I leave the closet. I see Bertie and she joins me as do several others, including Teresa. Then I enter the mouth of a cave diving down. Davey is now on my right. We are holding hands. Bert and the others remain at the mouth of the cave, holding consciousness. Davey and I descend. We let fear fall away as we walk deeper and deeper into the underworld. Soon we are surrounded by the creatures. We keep walking, with eyes closed, feeling the light of our hearts. We turn this light/love toward one creature, this creature becomes transparent and we see a man within and then it is just a man. This happens to all the creatures nearby. Dave and I realize that man is just another cloak hiding the brilliance of spirit and that underlying our exterior, emotions, attachments etc., there is consciousness...pure bright light consciousness.
I wake up... there is nothing to fear.
"Nothing real can be threatened
Nothing unreal exists
Herein lies the peace of God".

Wind lives in a tree house and is surrounded by healthy food. She offers a full breast to her new baby and pours milk all over...literally overflowing. She shows me her right hand, we both have small tattoos of butterflies (blue) and she has a scarification of a small turtle. We also have similar scars.

I am in a restaurant in a foreign country, I work there and feel very comfortable. There are people from all over the world here. I am seated at a table with three me. One of them has a tattoo on his neck that is like the sun on my back, he also has a tattoo of the Earth with an orbit around it. He says, "Look she has a tattoo like mine". They ask if I work here and if so if I will serve them. I can tell they want to talk. I go to the back of the restaurant to check in. Everyone knows me and hugs me. Many of the regulars are happy to see me. It takes a while to get out front to where the men are, when I do they are gone but have left a note, written in Spanish with each of their names and numbers after a brief note. One is named Bacchi, he has a very angular script. The others name is Sascha and his script is loose and inviting, I can't recall the third name. I call Sascha, he resides in California and his full name is Sascha Fortune. It feels significant.

Dreaming
I have a parrot/parakeet. It is small and green and is on the window side of a curtain rod, behind the curtain. Owen tells me that I need to treasure the bird because it was a gift from my mom and very special to her. I realize that he is right. Just then our cat, Eli, comes in and grabs the bird and it's nest and goes running off with it. I holler for Shane to help, he is just reclining on a lazy-boy with his hands behind his head and obviously doesn't care. I run to Eli and grab the nest but have difficulty finding the bird. Then I find her beneath his left arm, hidden (more like in a furry wing). I take her and at first think she is dead. She is bigger now and seems very precious to me. I realize that she is in shock and I just need to give her attention and take far better care of her.
Wake up

Dreaming
Davey and I are driving in the back seat of a car, looking out the window I see a person walking at the front of a procession in period garb. I become excited because I have heard of these people. Unlike 'normal' human beings who die after a lifespan of less than 100 years, these people live far beyond that, passing through time at their leisure. We force/help Dan to stop the vehicle which he does in a beachy wetland. We walk for some time until we find them. There is a sort of entertainment going on because "normal" people don't realize that those in costume are masters and consider them circus performers. I watch and then I see a sort of ripple along the surface of it all, like a great sea of energy. I jump and dive into this unseen water and begin a sort of dolphin swimming along the surface. As I swim through the air I realize that this is how they live so long. They don't live life in a linear fashion caught up by the trappings of illusion, instead they swim in time emerging for a breath in a different moment, but always aware of the unseen waters. I become tired. I am not accustomed to this kind of swimming. I am very high in the sky now. I struggle. I can not dolphin kick my self above the surface for a breath. I falter. Then there is someone beside me, a very large energied person, who buoys me up and I feel instantly secure. S/he asks smiles at me and says you have come far, were you afraid. I look back and respond, "Love is not afraid of loves-self", S/he smiles again and I realize I am one of them.

Next Dream:
Robin and Ned are building a home in the back. They plan on renting it out. I imagine how wonderful it would be to live there.

I wake up feeling a luminosity lingering around my heart. I imagine having a simple yurt and living near the Ocean, perhaps in Hawaii, of swimming thru the trappings of life and taking breath of clean air.

I dreamt of monkeys forced to sing and parade about, acting like ill behaved humans for advertising companies. I saw the horrible treatment of these beautiful creatures at the hands of those who treated them like a commodity. I saw the similarities between slavery and I saw the wretched little we have done to overcome our arrogance... we have exchanged it but not overcome it.

I dreamt of a mother, heavy with child, lying on a table in a spacious and modern restaurant. Her belly exposed. Her husband stood beside her rubbing his knuckle in a circle around her navel. He said, "We will be making a landing pad" (bruise), implying that everyone would perform this same knuckle treatment on the mother. Meanwhile the child in eutero squirmed to move away from the accosting knuckle. I thought how much I miss community and want a child to be born into a circle of friends.

I dreamt of a man trapped by his inabilities, who disguises them with masculinity. I watched him escape through a very long, narrow, vertical window with slatted glass, tear each panel off one at a time and squeezing through, run wildly down the road.

I dreamt of a road that was covered with snow and steeper than a sheer cliff. I dreamt of the impossibility of reaching its end. Then someone told me to call on the keepers of the road, who have been there since the dawn of time to provide safe passage. I called, a woman showed up... she told me something, but I don't remember what.

I dreamt that I had left Bodhi in the care of my very aged grandmother and forgotten. I had gone to Urban Outfitters to buy clothes and accessories. When I realized what I had done, I tried to check out early by telling them my son needed me. They didn't care, so I abandoned the basket of stuff and hurried out the door, complaining to another employee about my treatment as I left.

I awoke feeling panicked about the state of my mind, about its preoccupation with the mundane to the exclusion of the divine. Panicked about its servitude to my ego, my self, with all its petty irritations, desires and prides. I felt an abiding sorrow, like one who has lost something very dear, dearer than the self that cries, but can't remember what it was. I woke feeling terribly alone, hopeless and lost.

I have been bombarded by dreams lately... here are some of last nights snippets,
Michelle Obama and her oldest daughter were being baptized but instead of leaning back over water they were leaning over a cavernous cliff.
...
A man was telling me of his sorrow. He had lost his wife. While she was well he had not appreciated her but then she became ill and developed this rotting disease... where her face rotted just like an old pumpkin. He realized how much he loved her as she was dying.
...
Several end of the world dreams... forest images and more

So many dreams gone unrecorded of late but here is a snippet from last night.
I am walking with Owen along a trail. There is an incredible animal up ahead, positively beautiful like a cross between a child, panda and bird. We stare in awe for sometime and then a woman loudly proclaims "Oh that's just a ____________bird (can't recall the name), and the spell is broken. Owen and I walk on and I tell him, "That's the power of words Owen, they can steal the magic and the power of the thing they describe unless the person who is giving you the word understands the nature of the thing and imbues the word with magic, with respect, with awe". We see a Mountain Goat lying in the shade of a great rock (reminding me of Bodhi) and stare in wonder.
I wake up

I am in this odd trailer house. I think it is a pensione of some sort, but every traveler and occupant has left a few bags or piles of stuff and the small rooms are brimming with it. I have to use the restroom. I find one near the back of the house and begin to groan slightly with the effort. Just then I hear a toilet flush immediately to my right, just beyond a thin separating wall. I feel mortified. A man walks out, having to pass through my bathroom to exit. He is short of stature, smooth skinned and radiating a good nature. He smiles broadly at me from my throne of humiliation, says something in a joking tone, steps to me and places his lips on my third eye (just between the brows) and blows a kiss into my skin. I feel a strange sensation. Like my third eye is opening, filling with energy, so much energy in fact, that it is almost uncomfortable. It becomes filled with light and pulsing with energy. We both comment on the strangeness of the experience. We are now forehead to forehead and I am still seated on the toilet. He leaves. I realize that I have pink blood all over my hands. I stand and see the toilet bowl full. It is menstrual blood, but innocent lovely clean vital blood. It is all over me. My fluid white pants bloom red in beautiful patches. I think how lovely they look. I am supposed to be packing my stuff to leave this place. But stuff seems like such a burden and I can't really tell what is mine and what was already here when I arrived. Plus I don't really want it all.
I wake up.

I am dreaming
I am escaping something. I have a travel companion. I am walking through the fruit orchard of my youth. There we find a naked female dummy. I pick her up and throw her in the trash, she has an upraised delicate tattoo across her bum (the body seems a bit too lifelike). We continue on. I am afraid of what is chasing me. I carry little with me other than a grocery bag of food. These two cousins catch up to us, One has two heads on long leg-like necks. He is hurt and wants to hurt us. In the end he falls in love with us and we are able to leave. This delay has given our pursuer time to catch up. It is my first boyfriend Jason Wolfe. He has razor blade finger nails that he flicks at us like daggers, then spikes and more razors. I pick up several and shoot them back at him, eventually slicing his throat with one of his razor's. As I do I realize that he has a female counterpoint. She is rotund and looks like my moms dear friend Nanceye(whom I love very much). I cut her head off also, pulling out part of her spine like a stem. Her face shrinks and wilts like a sunflower. I hold her up and think how beautiful she is.
Oddly the dream doesn't 'feel' very violent once the fear is gone. I am not angry, just matter of fact. I wake up

I am sitting with several people in a large room. They are all talking of death, of cremation and of burial. I guess I am inside the waiting room of a indoor crematorium. One older woman says that she doesn't care for the tradition of cremation. It is so removed from the Earth, she will prefer burial. I think it is odd that there is no ritual involved. I look down at a bowl of food I am eating. It is ground meat, rice and seasoning. It occurs to me that I am eating my father. I continue eating for a time, more as a burial rite and ritual for my Dad than out of hunger. I am a vegetarian and the notion of eating meat, even my Dad, sickens me. I eat half the bowl and put it down. I have eaten enough and my Dad will always be part of me.

I dream of a cat... white with brown and black spots. I am trying to put the cat out because it is being naughty. The cat won't have it. It is scratching and yelling. I grab it by the fur at its neck and back and carry it to the door. Its claws are out and looking for a fight, it squirms around and wraps all its limbs in a body bind on my right hand and wrist. I ask for help. Shane and my brother help me shake him off. I leave and the boys go outside. I turn around in time to see that they are trying to crush the cat with the legs of a weight bench. I am appalled. I rush outside and tell them to STOP. They do. I am so disgusted with them. I walk away.

Dreaming
I am taking off in a "boat" from Catalina Island (I say Catalina but it looks more like Coronado), Bodhi is with me (although maybe it isn't Bodhi just a child the same age). The boat consists of a small upper platform on which sits a throne-like wooden chair. Instead of a sail there is a mosquito netting canopy suspended from above and cascading over the sides of the chair. This Bodhi/child runs around the perimeter of the chair on the 1 foot buffer before the waves. I know this boat is a bit like an iceberg, much larger at its base but hollow inside. It is night and we are sailing through midnight waters and starry skies. The throne is also a self-digesting toilet which I utilize by squatting. As soon as this is finished it returns to a throne with pillows. I pull the child close to me and sleep beneath the netting and stars. When I awake I find that I have drifted close to shore (Oceanside, but maybe what it looked like 200+ years ago). My boat is now a sea kayak and I paddle to shore. I love California as I do and feel a deep longing and belonging.

Dream 2
My mom has created a potion, using yeast as a binder and distilling the essence of a single beautiful pink rose. These potions are for love, kindness, and forgiveness. Owen and I dipped paper and string in the solution and strung them over head filling everyone with love, kindness and forgiveness as they passed beneath.

mom,death, flowers

I dream
My mom has died. I find this out at her house. Her female roommate or lover is there waiting, she is young and blond. I make it clear that the house belongs to the family. I ask what happened. They tell me she must have frozen in the woods one afternoon while walking the dogs. I know this is false. I demand an inquiry, suspecting foul play. I become so sad and upset. I start to wail and my heart swells to breaking with sorrow. I am furious and sorrow-filled all at once. Mom gone? How could that be. I find the people who did this. A man, he looks like Don, is a King. He was behind it. He captures me along with a number of other men. My family is nearby. My hands are tied. He thinks its over and stands above me to illustrate the point. I reach up with my head and bite his penis. I bite off several pieces. He falls. I stand. I say, "Now you owe me a favor!" He looks at me horrified. I realize that he will go on hating me and that will lead to ongoing strife. I say you must marry into my family. I have a sister that loves him, she is physically blind. I tell him that he will marry my sister. I lay out her dowry consisting of several pieces of fine jewelry (very simple in design). I look to him. He is smiling softly. He loves my sister. He walks toward her, as he gets closer his hard shell falls away. His heart opens and suddenly they are both beautiful flowers, speaking a language that I cannot understand. There is no deformity in either of them, they radiate beauty.
I wake.

I am in a battle of some kind, with supernatural forces. I go into a lodegepole canvas tent with my daughter or sister. We sit and we wait. The door opens and a big breeze blows in... my sister/daughter turns to me and says, "Open your heart and let no fear enter". I do this and suddenly I see this incredibly powerful being, clad for battle and glowing with power. She gives us a red mantle, a light weave, with woman power symbols throughout. We go back to our regular lives. In the middle of the night I feel that there is approaching danger. I take up the mantle and go on a journey to bring it to several women, Kelly Duvernet, Shannon, Kathryn. Somehow it symbolizes a time to act and carries with in a power that I don't understand, but believe deeply in.

I am in bed with my first boyfriend. I love him with such sweet innocence and the complete abandon of youth. His long black hair is shorn close to his head, I caress his head, softly. We curl against one another, aware that this may be the last time. I seem to have all the dimensionality in the dream. I am pleasing him and I have a revolting taste in my mouth... I need to vomit. I get up. I realize that I have a larger life now. I go to pick up my sons. He remains in bed. I look lovingly at him, his gaze is fairly absent, and I pick up my boys and walk out. Knowing that time and time again, I will choose my boys over him or any other reclining man, disinterested in my children.

Lots of dream images last night...
I am in a public restroom- it is spacious, sunlit, with lovely windows, more like a public bath. As I enter with a friend, I tell her that the facilities are always dirty in here, "I know", I say, "because I dream of them often". We walk passed nasty baths overflowing with human waste trying to find a clean place to use the facilities. Everywhere there is waste. It disgusts me, but I think to myself in the dream, 'I dream this often and there is usually a clean spot over here". I find it and we use the restroom.

Next dream. I am facing a battle. All my people are on the roof blending into the surroundings. The enemy arrives and I, a child, am placed inside the walls of the house. I have to climb through the walls to the highest point to escape. I am not found I escape.

I wake up feeling blue, irritable and crabby.

I awoke in a sweat last night, chest tight, throat clenched... full of longing. These late nights of sheet tossing have become more frequent. In those moments I seem to be facing the bottomless pit of my own unknowing, my forgetfulness, my ache. I fill it with thinking, with babble brain, but I don't rest until I am spent from all the thinking and the flow of longing subsides into the quietude of sleep.

I am at Lynn's house for lunch with her and Joanne. Her home is very simple, a couch made of a long covered pillow with a back, throw blankets, a few plants, wood floor and windows. The kitchen is in the same room with a lovely window opening onto a pine grove. I dish up all the soup bowls and the bread. When we have finished eating I clean everything up and then I begin folding up throws and arranging pillows. Joanne leans over toward me and says, don't clean everything up, you did everything already. She should do something. This shocks me. I remember that I should have brought a salad and I feel mortified. Joanne looks at me and laughs, "You should do this all the time. Have guests over, since you love doing it so much, serving people". Internally I bock at this. I don't like having guests over, it is too much work.
I wake up.
I think that I probably don't love serving any more than I love control... having the environment just so, making sure everything flows smoothly, etc. Turning the crank of the universe, in Atlas worthy grandeur, surely I am not nearly that important. Letting go could be a worth mantra for my life.

I have dreamed a lot lately, that I can fly. Except I seem to require wind currents to do it---which are often unpredictable.
Last night I could fly, I think I turned into an Eagle when I flew, I remember rescuing someone and looking down to find them carried in my talons. I begin my decision to fly as Angelina, than I run and leap off something, at this point I shift into an Eagle and catch a current. One time I didn't catch a current and transform, I fell hundreds of feet into the Ocean below. It was huge and seemed perilous, but a dolphin came and helped me to a dock. I climbed up through many layers of life. I seemed to be hiding, in fear of being discovered, lest I become like everyone else...people who thought the level on which they were standing was the only level. I ascended many levels before I saw the true sky again and longed for flight. I got distracted however, by the dramas of life and forgot to fly for quite some time. I wonder if I was on yet another level. It was desire that made me forget. Desire to help a man I thought I loved, but probably just desired.

I am walking near the ocean and I see Tom Cruise get out of his car with his daughter. She is shrouded in a tent from the hospital. She has cancer. I go to him and ask if I can be of assistance. He hesitates, so many people barrage him daily to get a photo. People rarely genuinely care about him or his family.

Next dream

I am married to a man that I deeply love. We have a girl child together. My husband cheats on me. I love him still. There is a scandal but I don't leave him. He is from another dimension or planet. There are several others like him. Some warring against others, but beneath the war they seem to get along, if not actually like each other. We wear Victorian clothing and talk on cell phones. It is a contradiction. His people are vulnerable to dirt. Dirt thrown on them, or into their mouths can kill them or make them very ill. Water also makes them ill but they need to drink it. On their planet, they fly in machines that are akin to highly mechanized hang gliders. The warring faction of people, come and take our daughter. They want my husband to do something for them. My husband cries from the depth of his heart. Somehow we get her back and then we are gathered with all the people from his planet. I tell them that we have hang gliders similar to the machines they flew back home. I also tell them that humans are vulnerable to dirt, but in a different way. I am about to tell them about germs, bacteria and viruses, but I realize that they may use this knowledge to harm others. They look at me and laugh, saying inhabitants that live on a planet where weather changes constantly and fire gives way to water are impervious to anything.
I wake up.

I can't remember any real dreams, only details, I can fly, I am flexible, I am living in the woods, I am not afraid. I awoke feeling deeply peaceful and rested and content. I was repeating to myself, "almost, nothing, almost, nothing, almost, nothing...........". Almost is so similar to nothing...almost reaching the top is not reaching it...almost waking up is still sleeping...almost seeing is still not seeing...I felt recharged by this idea of almost, nothing. The message? Keep going, even in the darkest hour, even when slumber beckons with all its might, even when the mind lulls toward complacency- with love and gentleness and kindness- keep going...almost reaching the aim isn't what I choose...I can just keep reaching toward the good, the wise, the true...keep reaching until at last my hand finds a hold and my foot discovers solid ground.

Owen and I get onto an elevator. It goes down, sways and seems to go sharply forward. We work together to balance the sway against the motion. When we exit, we are far away from our initial destination and have no real idea how this happened. We are jogging thru Mexico/Prescott on our way back. We pass through markets and bars, at each one I think to myself how sad the loss of culture is and how we (as people)throw on a new coat of paint and cover years history. We finally arrive near the elevator (now it is Danny and I) we try to tell mom about our experience but it doesn't make sense. We step out and see an eagle who comes to us and gently cleans us all over with her/his beak, even removing any particles of excrement from Danny/Owen. Then we realize that whatever happened in the elevator will only happen when it is accompanied by an Animal omen such as this.

I am seated at a long table across from the one I love, there is a mirror behind each of us, so that we can see the other as well as ourselves. (I can't really distinguish if I am the man or the woman, however I think I am looking through the man's eyes at the woman). I say I love you, but this shadow voice beneath the words says I hate you- suddenly I can see our shadow selves , with their vacuum black eyes and colorless faces. Than I see that our bodies have become mere shells, through which the shadow speaks and acts. Then I see the true self briefly inhabit the form- the eyes are beautiful, rich and deep, like the eyes of a seal, full of kindness and a penetrating depth. Then the empty eyes return and the shadow self speaks again. All this happens relatively quickly while the one I love and I sit across from one another and feelings of rage and love, and all the variants in between seem to pass through that moment.
_________________Next dream......
I am with several other people here on planet earth, who are not from planet earth, we have adopted the physical form of those around us, however we do not age the same way. We seem to possess certain elemental and animalistic qualities. Together, we are climbing a tree. I say, that in human time I am already 80 years old, but have much to do in order to turn things about. I seem to have feathers or bark, unseen beneath the surface of my body. There is a young girl with me and a man. We are climbing the tree. It seems important to do so.
________________Next dream......
I am fishing in a large pond. The person I am fishing with is enjoying him/herself. We are catching a lot of fish. A stranger shows us this cache at the edge of the pond where you can pull buckets of fish out of the water. We do. Suddenly I feel that we have far too many fish. I see them dying in the bucket and I feel terrible. I am now in a kitchen, preparing to clean the fish. Many of them aren't fresh any longer, because we caught so many. I see the brain scans of all the dead fish, and many of the brains have become contaminated, "like the brains of dragons", making them unsafe to eat. They will need to be thrown away. I feel awful about this. That I took part in taking the life of these fish and for nothing- to waste them and their sacrifice.

I had a series of strange and highly vivid dreams

I am with Michelle and we are trying to find a recycling plant. It is on 12 and some other street that begins with a D. We drive all over in search of it. We climb steep hills trying to find it and brave strange settings. We finally find this briefing about recycling.. on it there is a list of recycling items, a why statement about recycling and some innovative recyclers...one recycles old items into tears and jewelry.
There were several other dreams and vivid imagery, but my bed is calling me back.

There is a large goose. It has been shot, repeatedly. The bullet holes left huge holes in the goose's body. Within these holes are small tide pools. The goose is still moving about. I feel incredibly sad when I see it.

There is a man who has lost his way. He is otherwise a good man. He plans to harm me, but I don't believe he is malevolent. I feel sad.

I have just heard of a mentally challenged child that is an orphaned distant relative of mine. I fly a great distance to get him, pay the adoption fees and bring him home. He is one child of twins, his brother died at birth. He is very small. I bring him home he grows rapidly into a very shy 5-7 year old. He has straight dark hair that falls across his eyes. He is easily angered and a bit explosive. I love him and understand him. He is bright and not truly mentally challenged, he is just wild and refuses to be tamed by the world. I see the end of his life...he dies an old man in Hawaii, land surfing into a hairpin corner which he can't quite make.

I am talking to a beautiful young woman, as we are talking I realize that she has some kind of disease which causes her to age disproportionately. She is still beautiful with her gray hair and wrinkled face (her body is that of a nineteen year old).

I am talking with this woman at her home. I tell here, the only thing we really need to do to wake up is to let go of all attachments to the body. She says to me, that she doesn't feel that is quite right. I say, the body attachment and its emotions and feelings are what confuses all of us into the insanity of form. She listens than explains that our feeling are essential, sure our feelings take us into suffering but they also give us the longing for God, the ache for our Self, for union. (At this point she began telling me a detailed philosophy on the topic, I thought to myself, is she reading this, because it was like a perfect soliloquy on the topic). Still uncertain, we were now sitting on the sofa and her beautiful blond haired daughter came in, she climbed up into my lap in a full hug. I said this is why I want a girl, because they keep on loving you and hugging you. I asked how old she was, she said-- eight,eighteen,eighty--all slurred together. The woman was now preparing an incredible meal, our men were at a concert drinking beer and she said that it would be nice to make sure they had a beautiful table cloth to picnic on. "You're such a babushka", I tell her.
Wake up.

I have inherited a business and home from an uncle or something. Unwittingly by inheriting this I have stepped into a terrible intrigue. There is some kind of paranormal research going on, some kind of danger. I begin to see what is happening too late. We (My family and I) are turned handed over to some very angry men by a man we trusted and cared about. The men enter my home and kill each of us. First we are placed on top of a rope net, which breaks, we descend hundreds of feet and are shot at on the descent, we land on a series of other nets before falling into a vat of acid. Mom and I are preparing to go at the same time, she asks me what will happen and I tell her to just hope we die along the way...We do and suddenly I have reincarnated three generations prior to the beginning of all this insanity with the hope of ending it.

There were a number of competing dream images that filled my mind upon waking. Most of them seemed to be thematically related around male/female imagery. There was one interesting dream in which my teacher and I were meeting with a leader in the spiritual movement. She was a prominent figure who had, for one reason or another, been at odds with us. She was a very confident and elegant woman. Upon discussion, we discovered that there was very little that we did not agree on. We stood and hugged one another--there was a beautiful heart opening energy exchange, during which time she said to me, "You give freely from your liver. It is a gift, almost professional." I continued hugging her and felt a huge outpouring of energy, but I was a bit confused because it felt to me like I was opening my heart.
Wake up.

Interestingly after a bit of research I unearthed a few things that I suppose I already knew in the recesses of my thinking but they hadn't made it to the forefront until this dream called them up.
The Roman physician Galen located the seat of the passions in the liver. The liver and gallbladder duo is most often linked to anger. Hence, my dream may be letting me know something along those lines. A bit disturbing really, but I don't usually question the authority of my subconscious in giving me a true take on what is going on.

I dream of fleas.
Fleas everywhere in my home(not my home in Lakewood, but some otherwise unknown dream home), on the carpet, climbing up my legs...everywhere.
I think I got them by holding rats or cats. I worry about the plague briefly. Shane goes and gets some kind of insecticidal foam spray and sprays it on all the carpets. I worry about Bodhi who is sleeping nearby.

I am living in San Francisco again, with Shane's parents I think. We are in Cole Valley/Noe valley. I decide to look for a job. I only live a few blocks from the clothing store I used to work at. I get a job there for 10$ an hour and clothing benifits, but arrive late. I apologize profusely and say that I am going to quit because it is sometimes difficult to be on time when I have a young child. Patty and Rainie both love me and they insist I stay. Soon I am surrounded by old friends and I feel such a strong sense of well being and belonging.
I wake feeling joyful and the sense of well being carries over.

Owen is in a public restroom. He is scared. I walk in and he tells me that he is afraid of violent people and that someone may try to hurt him. I tell him to lock the door. He ignores me. He tells me that in his fears he is in a desert. Suddenly we are both in a desert, no water, food or shelter.

A group of women are gathered together doing art. Three people are destined to know eachother deeply. One of the three really needs the connection and friendship.

I am in a bar, there is a beautiful Jamaican man with dreadlocks looking down at me from the bar, which is unusually high up. He calls, "What you lookin' for child?". I don't know. I go into the restroom and try on my first boyfriends hat. It is a red baseball cap with a wolf on top. It seems wonderful to me. Shane sees me trying the hat on. I dismiss it.

Wake up.

Dreaming
Several disjointed images
1 I am in a house, the rooms wind and twist. I am trying to reach Shane. I have to pass through a number of rooms. I walk through one room which is obviously haunted by a woman. I feel this seep of darkness and negativity. I begin chanting prayers, as protection against the feelings rising within. I find Shane. I tell him of the haunted room. He is interested but unafraid. I am afraid and chant my prayers of protection louder and more frenetically. Shane merely walks into the room.

2 I am working at a clothing store similar to the one I worked at in SF. My boss is there and I am late. There is a woman selling jewelry outside. Beautiful handmade jewelry, but I don't have the money to purchase it at present. There is a man dining in a boat down by the water. He is wealthy. I speak to him. He says it costs a fortune to dine with this view, but a little less if you dine with your back to it. I can see the view of the sea for free, he has his back turned and can only see his costly meal. I walk up to work, now I am very late. I think that I don't have my keys to lock my car, but as soon as I say this I realize I must have them. I lock up and come to work. My boss is looking at clothes. She wants this skirt. It is just two sticky pieces of cheap pink twill, wrapped around and stuck onto her body, the edges raw. It is very short and she is middle aged. She says that she likes the look, "Like all the young people are wearing", with tall boots, black flared leggings and plenty of attitude."
Okay.
3. Several other images: dirty diapers, cars, busyness

....
I long for my more luminous dreams... ones that give me sustenance. Of late I seem to be processing the daily grind, the daily crap, with mindless repetition... and yet the images are mine and their message is valid.. I seem to resist the mundane... perhaps there is a lesson in that.

Dream
There is a war between the US and the Middle East, specifically Iran. It is taking place on US soil. There are hundreds of thousands of people displaced from their homes. I am trying to communicate with them, to say something. I feel this strong pull of Spirit to speak. I feel that Spirit has something to say and I am the vehicle chosen to say it. I can't get the collective attention. I try again and again, but to no avail. I stand on a hilltop overlooking the scene and feel a deep penetrating sadness. I think to myself. This is just like when we tried to get the native tribes of North America to ban together against the English invasion. They were too isolated in thought and culture to unite and so they fell. I stare out and begin to cry, saying, "We are like that. Unable to relinquish our class, beliefs, status, and culture, in order to join together for the common good of our planet. We are unwilling to release our limitations of consciousness so that together we can steward the Earth". I feel an agonizing sorrow.
I wake up.

1
I am at a house. Someone (a child I think) has torn the pages from a large illustrated tarot book. An ex boyfriend is down stairs. He wears the bottom half of a round box, tied with a string, around his neck. He is talking to an ex girlfriend of his, about allowing her to sleep over. I can tell that he is trying to hurt me. It works. I stand up and yell an obscenity at them. I go upstairs. All the torn tarot pages are now blowing across the yard and some of them are pressed against the glass windows. The tarot seems interspersed with retablos and such, but I don't seem to notice they all look like tarot to me.
I wake up

2
I am in a used clothing store managed by Emory, my old boss from Lifeway's (a new age personal growth bookstore). He is hiring some questionable characters to manage the shipping and delivery. I am looking around with friends. I am looking for a few things to take to Hawaii. I find some interesting things. Women are also getting their hair done in a shoppe nearby (this seems to be a village of some sort). I receive a call from my step mom, saying that she is coming to Hawaii with me. I feel upset because I don't want her to come without my Dad. My mom says she will handle it. It grows dark and I lose my dog, Anna, in the store. She makes it out but won't come when I call. My mom is busy training dogs and inadvertently she is training horses and cows.
I wake up, feeling strange, uneasy.

I had a difficult time sleeping last night. I lay awake from 1:30 to 5:00AM unable to sleep and feeling progressively more anxious. A ball of tension that began in my throat, spread across my chest and into my solar plexus. When I finally managed to stumble into sleep (after a stiff sleepytime tea and a chapter in a rather dull book), this was the dream I was met with:

Owen is the same age as Bodhi. He is at his uncle's house (My ex's brother) and I discover him seated at the base of the toilet in the upstairs bathroom. He is covered in dried urine and it's sticky yellow nastiness is on his hands and clothes. I pick him up just as he is about to put the mess in his mouth. I say, "Let's wash you off sunshine". I do. I feel furious at my ex, furious. Later, when Owen is no longer with me, I confront him. He says he will take him away from me. I say, "Like hell you will". I call my divorce lawyer, Brent and the whole divorce drama starts all over again.
I wake up. I have continued feeling anxious and tense all day long.

I am in a large home. My boys and I are climbing up the side of a cliff to a cliff dwelling. The boys are leading the way. There are two others with us, one is a kind and gentle man. I am the last to come. I hear a knock at the door and so I leave the cliff after I have made sure that the boys are safe at the top with the others. It has grown dark and the sides have become almost too shear to traverse in the poor light. I walk to the door. It is my ex husband( looks a bit like a heavier, middle aged version of Micheal Douglas). He has come to give me a refrigerator.... I know with this gift he will try to take my children. I refuse the fridge, he tries another door and another, this goes on until morning. The boys climb down (a bit more like my brothers now) and they are aghast that I have refused the fridge. They accept it and my ex walks right in to my home.

Next dream.
I am in a foreign country, maybe Mexico with a European flair. I have two daughters and a baby boy on my back. My wife (Shane-a is a woman in this dream) is buying a few hand tooled light leather belts (2$ each), some other incidentals and I am trying on a vest in shades of pink Guatemalan fabric. I look into my face in the mirror. I am beautiful, fairer and more refined looking, without the obvious signs of age that line my face. I am wearing a bohemian tiered skirt in shades of pink, teal, greens and white, a shear white t-shirt, the vest (very fitted) and a newsboy cap over my blond, straight/wavy hair. I am worrying about something- my kids I think.
I wake up

There is a man, he looks like a combination of Baraak Obama and Tiger Woods. He holds me close in an embrace and says,
"You need only follow your bliss."
I reply, "Yeah well it isn't always that easy to find"
He responds, "Of course it is, you know your own joy it is a matter of trusting not finding'.
The whole time he is holding me to his chest in a lovely warm, unobtrusive embrace.