oneiros

My teacher is seated at a round table in a kitchen that seems enclosed but really extends into the world beyond where there are trees and also a small dirt path Winding to the left with a young girl walking on it.  I am on the phone with my mom.  I seem to be so preoccupied with a very superficial conversation that I am ignoring my teacher's presence.  I am almost "acting" the part of a conversation, laughing loudly and appearing very interested in the nonsense I am talking about.  When I hang up the phone I apologize for not noticing that she was waiting for me.  The apology is too profuse, almost put on and overdone. My teacher says nothing but begins opening a white bag in which are small objects wrapped in white tissue.  I am so preoccupied with my apology (which even to me sounds disingenuous) that I never see any of these gifts unwrapped.  My teacher doesn't leave.  She sits at the table.  She isn't impatient nor irritated but I think ...

My teacher came into my dream.  I don't remember seeing her..perhaps I just spoke to her. She asked, "Does Bodhi fish?"  I said , "yes". "Does Bodhi like fish?" I said, "yes". I asked, "What do you have in your mind?" And my teacher began audibly breathing a slow rhythmic breath.  In and out.  Permeating the dream until I awoke.

Snippet Cody is in my dream.  I realize he is waiting for me to write.  I begin to feel a sense of urgency to write him and connect.  Then I remember that I have written him and I have said good bye.  He is still waiting for me to connect.  I stop.  I put down all efforts to write and just feel the weight of loss. I wake up feeling a deep sadness and suddenly the longing for Cody seems exactly the same as my longing for house and for security.  The same obsessive need.  The same belief in something out there that will validate me and keep me safe.  I realize as I lay there, just waking, that all the love I have ever felt wasn't from other, it was in me. It has to be or I couldn't experience it.  All that I am longing for is mySelf and this longing is an effect of my belief that I am some how separate from my fulfillment. I don't fall back to sleep.  I stop reaching and feel.  The thoughts come and go.  I see how they a...

I am with Cody we are in a house, talking.  I tell him that I can't be just friends and that I don't want him to keep showing up in my dreams/ house and messing with my emotions.  I look up and we kiss, passionately and I sink into loving him.  I feel such a deep peace. Then things shift and Cody becomes more possessive and I find that I want him in my life forever but I still need lots of room to breathe and be free.  The dream shifts and there is still Cody but he is speaking to me with Dan's voice...the voice of someone who will love me no matter what and who gets me.  He is speaking to me at a very deep level of my consciousness.  (It was powerful but I wasn't able to recall much of it upon waking.)  Next, he says.  "Now it is time to listen".  Cody's face fades away and I wake up.

I am at one of Cody's outdoor survival classes.  Everyone is in hushed silence and awe, following him. It seems more like a meditation retreat than a survival course.  He lays out a beautiful violet meditation cushion and sets up an alter.  He holds up a brass elephant (perhaps Ganesh but not in any of his classic poses) and says "Today we will practice focusing on a sacred object".  He has several clear quartz crystals also set in front of him.  Throughout this dream I am never in front of him.  I am always behind him or to his right, never his left.  He is very indifferent to me and cool.  While everyone is meditating with their eyes tightly closed, I get up and walk around.  I lay a small grouping of beautiful leaves on the left side of his alter, in warm tones and oranges and yellows fading to greens, while he stoically meditates.  I realize that I am supposed to be quietly sitting down but I am not, I wonder if he will notice. ...

I am following behind Cody up a steep hill, his friend walks beside me and says,"You are so calm for being an alien".  I respond, "I know, but few people know what I can do".  I decide to open a door in a stone wall on my left.  In opens into a room.  I know where I am.  I am at another entrance to the caves that lead into the unconscious and the deepest fears (I dream of these caves often and they are always filled with fear demons).  I step inside and Cody is there with his friend.  Owen and Bodhi are there.  In fact many people are there but I know they are just the gossamer projections I have of them, the dual images.  I step outside for a moment and when I open the door again the fear demons begin coming out.  This time they look like large floating creatures.  Their form is defined only by a black cloak that covers them entirely, only a small white mouth that looks more like a small grate, disrupts the blackness.  I se...