oneiros

After seeing my step father and thinking of my childhood with anger and sadness.  I begin walking into a very large tunnel, leading to a cave.  There are several other people walking into the cave. It is reminiscent of a pilgrimage.  The cave floor is littered with religious artifacts and bones.  Owen picks a number of them up to look at them (many are of Mary, Joseph and Jesus) and we place them reverently on a low table, and beneath the feet of the travelers---offerings from those who have gone before.  Shane steps close to an embankment with a sharp drop off where the roots of a tree are heavily exposed.  As he steps on the roots I think perhaps it is a bit cavalier and dangerous.  Then I think it is interesting that the roots are exposed.  I help him off the roots and notice  two enormous statues linked as one at the back of the cave.  One is a giant black panther, the other a shape shifting dragon/panther/bird.  Both have the s...

I am in some sort of simulation environment.  There are others here.  There is a room called the thinking room.  Each room is meant to simulate or clarify a part of life.  I have avoided the thinking room through the whole dream.  I decide to go within.  As soon as I step inside all these men begin rushing me, yelling, I turn to leave.  I think the door is locked but it opens easily.  I step outside and two children rush out.  One young black boy jumps into my arms.  Another older black boy rushes to my side.  A large man tells me to come inside.  I know that once in, it is like a maze.  I ask the older boy to my right if he knows the way out and he becomes suddenly quite clear, responding, "Yes!".  I return inside.  This time no one yells at me, but I begin following the man instead of the boy.  The boy lags somewhat behind me, hesitating.  He seems to want to go in a different direction but I am not t...

My dreams have been a labyrinth of seemingly nonsensical imagery: Shane sucking a pacifier, Jim Carrey as a narcissistic lover, work, Chogyam Trungpa, Bodhi in a hurry, pain, nature, longing, attachment. I could relay a dream in full but at the moment they seem anything but elucidating.  I imagine it is time for me to begin listening again and writing them down, otherwise the intellect decides to spend my slumbering eight hours in perpetual download, without a hint of luminosity.

dreaming I am having eye pain in my right eye.  I go to the doctor (who isn't an eye doctor but is able to do an eye scan).  The doctor tells me that my "perennial cortex" is degenerating which translates into the loss of color vision.  I see my eye in detail, beautiful on the surface, with pupil, iris muscles and a surrounding band of neurons and fibers at the very edge that looks like a colorful sea creature but under the beauty is a dying nerve. I wake up disturbed.

I am trying to get two rattle snakes into a large cardboard box (I don't remember seeing the snakes) and moved somewhere safe where no one will get hurt.  I am upset that the box has a hole opening on two opposite sides where the snakes could escape.  I keep trying to block off the holes because I don't want the snakes getting out.  When I stand up I become terrified.  I realize that I didn't actually put the snakes in a box at all, but in my belly.  The two holes are the openings for intake and elimination.  I am utterly horrified that I have two dangerous rattlesnakes in my belly.  I can't walk fast because the swaying of my hips might upset them and cause them to bite me internally.  I don't know how to get them out of my belly.  In the box I could have shaken them out but in my belly they might bite me and kill me from within.  So I walk, barely breathing, barely moving with two venomous, dangerous snakes in my belly, wanting despera...

Dreaming I am in a traveling troupe of some sort.  There are hundreds of beautiful young people (I too am much younger and more buxom and gorgeous than this body recalls).  We are all gathering to prepare for our performances.  It seems that we are also superheroes of some sort when we travel.  We gather in a large auditorium.  I shirk this handsome, needy young man who has literally been following me two inches or less from the back.  I holler enthusiastically to the crowd and skip to my seat in the front, directly before a mirror.  The group begins singing.  This is my second year with the troupe but I don't know the songs.  I say to myself I don't learn this way (by ear) I need to see the song.  The song leader hears me and hands me a typed song sheet.  The song sounds like an east Indian chant but it goes "Ta, ra, re, ditty ditty, Ta ra ram ditty ditty ", etc.  I sing, chant and wake up. The interesting part of this drea...

I have been having lots of dreams with disconnected imagery In this one Shane/not Shane was cheating on me.  It had become so ordinary that I didn't notice.  My house was full of extra children making messes, leaving food and bedding and crumbs everywhere, all of them boys.  The house was dark and under cared for.  There were puppies in the house too, lots of tiny puppies and I remember thinking, "Why didn't Shane have this dog neutered? My mom will think it is totally irresponsible to bring so many unwanted dogs into the world".  Next I am standing in a room/not room, my boys are nearby playing.  I am taking off the head of this human size knitted stuffed doll.  It is beautiful and knitted out of undyed wools of various colors.  I am pulling out the strings that sewed the head to the body, suddenly I realize that I am not okay with my life.  I turn to Shane/not-Shane who looks trim and gorgeous in tight geometric patterned pants and a butt...

I am sleeping in Ron and Joanne's basement.  There are bugs everywhere, literally all over the floor. Spiders and roaches.  They are crawling on me.  For some reason I feel that I have no where else to go.  I must sleep there.  When I decide to leave.  The bed is removed and the floors are cleaned.  There are no bugs and everything looks lovely and new. I am a little girl.  I live with my mom.  She expects me to take the blame for all her unhappiness and I do. I apologize for everything that happens and try to always make it better.  My father steps in once.  He is kind of invisible but he speaks to her while I am in the midst of a prolonged apology for existing.  He disappears but because of something he says she lets me talk to my sister, Ariel.  Ariel is a beautiful red-headed mermaid who has a will of her own.  I am so happy to be talking to her.