I am showing a man around my house (maybe it's my brother). My house is spacious and lovely. We stop in front of a large, beautiful cut stone fireplace and the man (my brother?) leans in closely to see several hand drawn cards displayed on the mantelpiece. The cards are "I'm sorry" cards, that Shane and I have drawn. There is a little tear drop character pictured in a variety of ways, all with the intent of apology. As I look at the drawings, I am surprised to notice that Shane's are artistically better than mine. His are simple, emotional and clear. Mine seem a bit over done. The man(my brother) picks up one card and the image falls off to reveal a photo of myself and Shane or my ex...I can't really tell, the image seems to fluctuate in my memory... the photo slides off revealing a two sided postcard sized object. On one side there are lots of expensive, coordinating fabric and texture samples for redecorating in hues of brown, on the other side there is a collage of various styles, thicknesses and colors of glass, all of them in shades of sea glass. For some reason I feel very embarassed. The man (my brother) looks at me and points at the side with all the fabric, (the same side the photo and "I'm sorry" card were attached to) and says, "You don't need to focus on this...", he turns it over to the glass side saying, "when this side opens onto all the world".

I wake up.

I sit for a time thinking about this dream. I often approach my internal life with a re-decorator mentality, trying to change the furniture, air out the rooms, clean out the closet's, meditate to quiet the noise, connecting with God to bring in more light, etc. In the hope that in doing so- I will grow, release and open. I seldom drop the broom and fabric swatches in order to blur the edges of self and world. The glass sampler seemed to encourage altering the walls of self---from solid walls promising isolation to beautiful glass opening onto life all around.
Also, I try to forgive within my heart, dropping the blame and allowing God to breathe through me, but I suppose I do keep a mantel of "I'm sorry" card's tracking the reason's I have had cause to forgive- protecting each one within the defined boundaries of self. Perhaps in blurring those walls I do gain the world.

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