I am at Lynn's house for lunch with her and Joanne. Her home is very simple, a couch made of a long covered pillow with a back, throw blankets, a few plants, wood floor and windows. The kitchen is in the same room with a lovely window opening onto a pine grove. I dish up all the soup bowls and the bread. When we have finished eating I clean everything up and then I begin folding up throws and arranging pillows. Joanne leans over toward me and says, don't clean everything up, you did everything already. She should do something. This shocks me. I remember that I should have brought a salad and I feel mortified. Joanne looks at me and laughs, "You should do this all the time. Have guests over, since you love doing it so much, serving people". Internally I bock at this. I don't like having guests over, it is too much work.
I wake up.
I think that I probably don't love serving any more than I love control... having the environment just so, making sure everything flows smoothly, etc. Turning the crank of the universe, in Atlas worthy grandeur, surely I am not nearly that important. Letting go could be a worth mantra for my life.

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