dragon dream

After seeing my step father and thinking of my childhood with anger and sadness.  I begin walking into a very large tunnel, leading to a cave.  There are several other people walking into the cave. It is reminiscent of a pilgrimage.  The cave floor is littered with religious artifacts and bones.  Owen picks a number of them up to look at them (many are of Mary, Joseph and Jesus) and we place them reverently on a low table, and beneath the feet of the travelers---offerings from those who have gone before.  Shane steps close to an embankment with a sharp drop off where the roots of a tree are heavily exposed.  As he steps on the roots I think perhaps it is a bit cavalier and dangerous.  Then I think it is interesting that the roots are exposed.  I help him off the roots and notice  two enormous statues linked as one at the back of the cave.  One is a giant black panther, the other a shape shifting dragon/panther/bird.  Both have the same looking head with human features.  The panther statue suddenly lunges at Shane.  This is the object of the journey.  Shane's posture of "I know" has created the aggression.  The huge/panther/man communicates something to him.  The dragon/panther/bird/man looks at me with fierce eyes, my heart breaks with longing and my eyes show a great sadness.  Suddenly I am surrounded in love, lifted off the ground.  The dragon/man is communing with me/in me as an experience.  He shows me how I breathe in the heavens/consciousness/God from above and with breathless ease, the heavens pour through me on inhale and release on exhale.  I am the stars.  Next, He shows me how I breathe in through the individuated self and there is virtually nothing, just the smallest leaking energy of life.  I immediately think of my past, of abuse and fear, of life being unsafe.  He says, "No!  You don't need the stories.  They do not serve you.  See fear as it is, now." (I think of Ramana Maharshi).  Then He asks me to breathe in the earth experience as I breathed in the heavens, pulling from the earth, pulling up through my feet, legs, and hips, the energies of heaven and earth meet in the heart of me like a huge hourglass flowing in and out in communion with all there is, my heart in union with all.  I breathe like this for awhile and see how my refusal to trust the earth energy has resulted in a compromised body and an absent life.  I am now in the air five feet off the ground, the energies of the heavens pour into my heart as do the energies of the earth.  Dark and light, duality unified, the heart beats, ONE.  There is a great love coming from the dragon, who holds my hand as I say thank you.  He laughs a great laugh and says "I enjoyed you!" and prepares for the next visitor.  I linger as the experience begins to shift like a mirage and quickly ask.  "What of my relationship with Shane?  What should I do?"  There is a hesitation.  Then the dragon with a mans head says, "Neither of you are inspiring the other to greater expression, expansion or experience."  And with one last loving look, I am back in the cave with two connected statues and a floor littered with artifacts from travelers over the ages.  More travelers approach the statues.  I find Shane sitting near the cave wall, looking at cards like those in a tarot deck.  He has collected several and placed a few for me on the ground.  I ask him about his experience and all I know is that it was short and he feels somewhat jealous of mine.  This feels silly after what just transpired but I feel myself contract and breathe a bit less.

I wake up.