I had a difficult time sleeping last night. I lay awake from 1:30 to 5:00AM unable to sleep and feeling progressively more anxious. A ball of tension that began in my throat, spread across my chest and into my solar plexus. When I finally managed to stumble into sleep (after a stiff sleepytime tea and a chapter in a rather dull book), this was the dream I was met with:

Owen is the same age as Bodhi. He is at his uncle's house (My ex's brother) and I discover him seated at the base of the toilet in the upstairs bathroom. He is covered in dried urine and it's sticky yellow nastiness is on his hands and clothes. I pick him up just as he is about to put the mess in his mouth. I say, "Let's wash you off sunshine". I do. I feel furious at my ex, furious. Later, when Owen is no longer with me, I confront him. He says he will take him away from me. I say, "Like hell you will". I call my divorce lawyer, Brent and the whole divorce drama starts all over again.
I wake up. I have continued feeling anxious and tense all day long.

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